We are born with only two fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises.
So what’s with all these fears we pick up along the way? Think about it. How many fears do you have now?
Fear of talking to that person about that thing? Fear of starting a new venture? Fear of being rejected by your boss, partner, or friend?
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We pick up many fears during our lifetime, learning from experience what created an uncomfortable response and then filing the solution away as a reminder for when we are in a similar situation—guarding ourselves with fear to keep us safe.
But guess what? Studies have shown that we can overcome our fears through constant exposure to them. If we understand fear, we can work through it.
My mission in life is to help men live a better life, to help you thrive and love what you do. Within that, there are some fundamental elements that we need to deal with, and one of those elements is fear.
Fear is natural, but it holds us back from doing things we need and want to do. It’s certainly something that has held me back in various ways.
Fear is a survival mechanism that has helped us as animals to survive the big bad world out there. But it’s also learned from experience.
Do you know which fear type you suffer from most? Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, or the dreaded fear of success?
Fear of what other people think of you will both cripple you and get in the way of you achieving success. This is something I know to be true from past personal experience. Fear of success will hold you back from getting out there and trying anything new, and fear of rejection will affect your relationships with not only your partner and children but everyone you interact with.
But, do you know the best part of this? People don’t actually care what you do! People tend to only care about what’s going on for them. They’re not worrying about the proposal that you wrote or the video you posted. And, so what if you fail? Isn’t that just a life lesson gifted to you so that you can learn and grow from it into a more evolved being?
What can you learn without trying something new?
And, of course, success is scary because it’s an unknown. We don’t know what it looks like to achieve our dreams and goals, which sets off our fear warning response.
“Watch out; this is something new. It could be dangerous!”
Our brains stack up events where something happened to put us on alert; maybe you had a bad experience in a meeting where your boss made you look stupid. Maybe your wife said something that undermined you. The event is filed away and used as a warning sign in any similar situation. Clever brain, right?! Well, yes and no. While this is helpful in a dangerous situation, it often hinders our progress because it stops us from speaking up, trying something new or simply believing in ourselves. As Freud said, humans have a biological need to repeat behaviours, even if they’re disadvantageous, because we like to remain in our comfort zone.
Our individual experiences with fear help to create the beliefs we have and the paradigm we live by. Fear of rejection is something we build up from childhood. As children, we have a need for attention and acceptance; when this need is not met, we can’t understand why our parents or caregivers couldn’t always be there for us. With our rational mind not yet developed, we believe everything we hear. Living through the experience of an absent parent is easily registered as abandonment. This emotional reaction is then carried through to adulthood.
What’s on the other side of fear?
Worrying about things that haven’t yet happened and probably aren’t going to eventuate (just because it happened once doesn’t mean it will happen again) isn’t productive. Living in fear also stops us from enjoying the beauty of the present moment. After all, how can we be present if we are living in the future, preoccupied with something that might happen?
So, what’s on the other side of fear? Greatness! If you can push through the discomfort of stepping through your fear, you will start to achieve the results that you want in your life. Successful people have learned how to deal with anxiety. They haven’t removed it; they’ve just learned how to adapt, using repetition and experience to overcome it. They have learned to embrace failure as a necessary part of achieving success.
Learning to be free from the fear of rejection is powerful. Stepping outside of your comfort zone and moving through fear creates untold possibilities, growth, and achievements. Make the choice today to use failure as the path to success. I know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the failures I have been through in my life.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one more responsive to change.”
– Charles Darwin
If you can see rejection as feedback and choose to change your behavior, to evolve, then you are learning and adapting.
Do you want to be evolving or simply surviving?